You're My Utah

Is it selfish to count down the days until you see someone, even though you’re ultimately counting down the days with your children?  That’s today’s conundrum.  I LOVE my kids. Truly. Spending all day, every day with them, though, is a lot. We’ve had our moments, but I’m hopeful the memories outweigh any issues we may have had. Halloween costume shopping, Bi-Water for hours, dinner with friends, fishing, Frisch’s, movies, play dates, Dollar Tree shopping, Malibu Jacks, Red Lobster, Drake’s, book reading, board games, and time just spent together. I’ve enjoyed *almost* every moment with them. Sending them off to Jeff tomorrow morning is going to be hard, but also a bit of a relief. I know he loves them and takes care of them in his own way.  It also means I can spend time with Dustin. What is this relationship doing to me? It’s certainly the limerick stage, and the only way to come out of that and build trust is through time. I find myself wanting to define what we are, bu...

Funny how ten years later, you can find yourself right back where you started. Perhaps I'm finally beginning to find my truth north...and instead of fighting against the current, I'm swimming with it. Perhaps my mother's wish of me becoming more of a willow instead of the mighty oak is happening. Regardless, I am more at peace right now than I've been in a very long time.  Therapy yesterday led to some wonderful nuggets of wisdom. I asked Lesa when it's appropriate to "move on" from my marriage. I think I actually expected her to give me a timeframe like, "Oh the eleventh day of the seventh month after the divorce is final, you have passed the imaginary finish line that makes it ok to move on." I am such a rule follower/black and white thinker. It's maddening sometimes. Regardless, she said, "Do me a favor. What's the one place in the world that you love. If you were to go somewhere alone, or with your kids, or even with Dustin, wher...