Thoughts

Is it selfish to count down the days until you see someone, even though you’re ultimately counting down the days with your children? 

That’s today’s conundrum. 

I LOVE my kids. Truly. Spending all day, every day with them, though, is a lot. We’ve had our moments, but I’m hopeful the memories outweigh any issues we may have had. Halloween costume shopping, Bi-Water for hours, dinner with friends, fishing, Frisch’s, movies, play dates, Dollar Tree shopping, Malibu Jacks, Red Lobster, Drake’s, book reading, board games, and time just spent together. I’ve enjoyed *almost* every moment with them. Sending them off to Jeff tomorrow morning is going to be hard, but also a bit of a relief. I know he loves them and takes care of them in his own way. 

It also means I can spend time with Dustin. What is this relationship doing to me? It’s certainly the limerick stage, and the only way to come out of that and build trust is through time. I find myself wanting to define what we are, but then immediately not wanting to. We’re seeing each other. I think it’s safe to say we genuinely enjoy each other’s company. He holds my hand in the middle of the night…that always makes me melt. He is a genuinely kind and thoughtful person. I feel like if I define what we are and it’s spoken aloud, the magic of what we have will disappear. Like, just let things unfold as they may. Enjoy the ride. Don’t try and control every variable. Be glad you have someone who is so GOOD and understands the situation you’re in. He isn’t overbearing. He is respectful. He isn’t rushing into things. 

We both find ourselves holding or touching each other’s ring fingers at random times. Maybe one day we’ll each wear a circle expressing our lifetime commitment to one another. Maybe we won’t. Only time will tell…so for now, I’ll just enjoy the trip and see how it unfolds.